Interview with Cindy Beal About Her New Book: Rebuilding a Marriage Better Than New

Agency client Cindy Beall is our guest interview on the blog today. Cindy is a writer, speaker and mentor to leaders. She has been married to her husband, Chris, since 1993, and they currently minister at Life.Church in Oklahoma. Cindy also serves on the Leading & Loving It team that ministers to pastors' wives and women in ministry around the world. Her first book, Healing Your Marriage When Trust Is Broken, chronicled the devastating infidelity and subsequent restoration of her marriage over 14 years ago.

Cindy, your second book, Rebuilding A Marriage Better Than New, released today. It’s been more than 14 years since your marriage suffered a devastating blow, which must feel like a lifetime ago, but you still have a heart and passion to minister to others in this area. Tell us a little about why you wanted to write Rebuilding a Marriage Better Than New.

For many years, I’ve received emails from couples who are on a healing journey in their marriage. After reading my first book, Healing Your Marriage When Trust Is Broken, they have found hope and healing because of our experience. But a few years into their journey, they are asking me for more guidance and insight about how to stay on the healing path that Chris and I are still on today. That is part of the reason I wrote this book. The other part is to address the condition of many marriages today – often loveless, living like roommates, kind of marriages. My hope is that writing this book will help couples who have not only walked through betrayal, but also those who have just neglected their marriage for way too long.

How is your new book different from your first book, Healing Your Marriage When Trust is Broken, and why would every married couple benefit from reading it?

I describe my first book as more of a trauma situation. A betrayal occurs in your marriage and you are thrown into immediate devastation. You need quick attention to your wounds to stop the bleeding. I believe that Healing Your Marriage When Trust is Broken does just that. It offers hope and help to those who have found themselves in an unlikely and unwanted circumstance. My second book, Rebuilding A Marriage Better Than New, is for a broader marriage audience. Yes, it will help those who have had to rebuild after betrayal, but it will also help all other married couples. Why? Because our marriages can always be improved. My hope is that every married couple, healthy or not–so-healthy, will read Rebuilding A Marriage Better Than New so that they can grow healthier with each year.

In the book you lay out a four-phase process: healing deeply, building wisely, living fully, and investing generously. Can you walk us briefly through what those four phases look like practically in a marriage?

When something devastating happens in our lives, our first thought is often that we want to get back to normal. To go back to the old life before the devastation occurred. Even if that means an unhealthy marriage. Because of that, we often try to skip through the first two phases and go straight to the third which is live fully. However, we must heal deeply and build wisely before we can even think about living fully.

To heal deeply in our lives, we must grieve the pain. This is not fun. Period. But it is necessary. People often try to sidestep their pain and go around it. No matter how hard we try to get around the pain, it will still be there. We must go through the pain and as we do, as we grieve the pain of the loss, we will simultaneously heal deeply. Healing deeply means that we feel the pain, live honestly and learn how to handle the reminders of our devastation. This phase of healing deeply will continue for years to come as God’s Spirit continues to comfort us.

Building wisely happens as we’ve found some deep healing in our lives. To be able to begin to build wisely doesn’t mean we are totally healed. It just means that we have begun to heal in order to start the next phase. Building wisely entails restoring trust when betrayal has occurred. It also means that we learn how to manage our expectations with our spouse as well as learn how to live victoriously instead of having a victim mentality.

Living fully is the part everyone wants to get to. During this phase, we learn and own who we are in Christ. This is so vital in dealing with shame. We also learn that to get what we’ve always wanted, a healthy, strong marriage, we must do things that aren’t always easy. And to finish off this phase, we must learn to connect with each other as a couple or “find our porch.”

The invest generously phase is often never reached by many couples. Scripture teaches us in 2 Corinthian 1:3-4 that we are to comfort others with the comfort we have received from God. This is our spiritual “pay it forward” obligation. When we minister from a place where great pain once resided, a new level of healing occurs in our lives. And by far, this is the most rewarding and redeeming phase to walk through.

You’ve been living out the principles shared in this book for quite a while and you and your husband are enjoying the benefits of a better than new marriage. What words of encouragement would you give to couples that might just be at the beginning of the process of rebuilding or repairing their marriage?  

Stay the course. If you are on the verge of giving up and throwing in the towel, don’t. Commit to make some changes – both of you. Neither of you is perfect or without fault. It takes two to make a marriage work and two to make a marriage fail. Marriage is hard work even when you like each other. Keep pressing on, honoring the covenant you made with God.  It is not always easy to be married and stay married but it is worth it. And it is possible by the power of our great God.

To learn more about Cindy you can visit her website here. Be sure and order your copy of her new book here today.

Available Now: The More of Less by Joshua Becker

Most of us know we own too much stuff. We feel the burden of our clutter. We tire of cleaning and managing and organizing. Our toy rooms are messy, our drawers won’t close, our closets are filled, and we can’t fit our cars in our garages. The evidence of clutter is all around us. Meanwhile, this constant accumulation of stuff slowly begins robbing us of life. It redirects our God-given passions. It steals our greatest potential. It consumes our limited resources. And it distracts us from the very life we wish we were living.

But it doesn’t have to be this way.

In The More of Less, Joshua Becker, popular blogger at becomingminimalist.com helps you …

•          recognize the life-giving benefits of owning less

•          realize how all the stuff you own is keeping you from pursuing your dreams

•          craft a personal, practical approach to decluttering your home and life

•          discover greater contentment, less envy, and more joy

•          recognize why you buy more than you need

•          experience the joys of generosity

•          learn why the best part of minimalism isn’t a clean house, it’s a full life

It’s time to own your possessions instead of letting them own you. After all, the beauty of minimalism isn’t in what it takes away. It’s in what it gives. You won't want to miss this must read resource from Joshua.

Available Now: Brazen by Leeana Tankersley

Leeana Tankersley’s new book, Brazen, officially launched this week and we couldn’t be prouder of her!

In her trademark lyrical style, Leeana asks the question: What if we trusted what God put within us on the day of creation? What if we lived from the idea that who we really are is enough? Wouldn't that be brazen? 

Brazen means without shame, and Leeana encourages us to live our lives based on love and belonging and the feeling of being comfortable in our own skin. We don't have to live from guilt or shame--and it's such a freeing concept!

And it goes without saying, but isn’t her book cover brazen? 

Also, we recommend checking out her guest post on Ann Voskamp’s blog this week.

Available Now: Colors of Goodbye by September Vaudrey

We all suffer pain and loss in different ways, but I've yet to meet a mother whose greatest fear isn't losing a child. On May 31, 2008, September Vaudrey had to face that fear head on. When her daughter Katie was just 19, September and her family had to say goodbye all too soon.

But while the loss of Katie is the springboard and backdrop for September's memoir, her book is so much more. It starts off right in the middle of the terrible drama that unfolded for the Vaudrey family, but then deftly leads the reader on a journey from pain to healing, from loss to hope, all the while providing a true and gritty look at a faith journey strong enough to withstand the hardest thing a mother can imagine.

Colors of Goodbye is simply beautiful, and that isn't just true of the writing. September's publisher, Tyndale Momentum, did a fantastic job of weaving Katie's art as well as pictures of Katie and the family throughout the book in a truly honoring way. We hope you'll check out this fantastic debut memoir. As Publisher's Weekly said in its starred review, "Exquisitely balanced between sadness and joy, this sensitive account of a mother's loss will leave ripples."

How To Be Here Available Now!

We're so excited for the launch of Rob Bell's latest book, How To Be Here. Rob is the New York Times bestselling author of Love Wins, What We Talk About When We Talk About God and The Zimzum of Love.

How to Be Here lays out concrete steps we can use to define and follow our dreams, interweaving engaging stories, lessons from biblical figures, insights gleaned from Rob’s personal experience, and practical advice. Rob gives you the support and insight you need to silence your critics, move from idea to action, take the first step, find joy in the work, persevere through hard times, and surrender to the outcome.

And if you want to spend a day with Rob learning to take the ideas in How To Be Here even further, check out the How To Be Here Experience, coming to a city near you through June!

Become Part of the Remarkable! Movement

Our clients Randy Ross and David Salyers have just released their new book, Remarkable!, an entertaining and enlightening business parable that has the power to turn any team around. But they're up to so much more.

Randy Ross is a master of cultural transformation, with a unique understanding of employee engagement. As a professional consultant and coach, he offers practical solutions for increasing both the morale and performance of your teams. David Salyers is the VP of National and Regional Marketing for Chick-fil-A. As a passionate student of life and business, he has spent over thirty years seeing the principles in this book play out corporately and in over 1,600 Chick-fil-A restaurants across the country. Together, they've launched the Remarkable! Movement.

Check out the book, and join the movement.

New Release Giveaway!

Congrats to client Steve Wiens on the release of his new book, Beginnings!

We'd love to give a copy away to one lucky reader to celebrate. 

To enter, fill out the contest form by February 5, and we will randomly draw a name and contact the winner via email.

New Year Giveaway #3

Our third giveaway of the year is here and it was just released last week!

Are you interested in doing work that matters but not sure how to make a difference? Jonathan Golden is living out his unique calling to promote social, spiritual, and economic justice while providing a living wage to 2,500 farmers in Rwanda. Now the founder of Land of a Thousand Hills coffee company reveals how to embrace the meaningful life you were meant to live.

To enter, fill out the contest form by January 29 and we will randomly draw a name and contact the winner via email.

Find out more about Be You. Do Good here.

Check back next week to see what our final giveaway will be!

New Year Giveaway #2

Are you ready for our second giveaway?

Next up is a Bible that will provide you with a full year of daily scripture reading. Authors such as Shauna Niequist, Margaret Feinberg, Phileena Heuertz, and Leeana Tankersley share their thoughts on topics ranging from cultural issues like social justice, economic inequality, and social media addiction to personal needs like prayer, decision-making, relationships, infertility, career, and calling.

To enter, fill out this Contest Form by January 22 and we will randomly draw a name and contact the winner via email.

You can read more about the NIV Bible for Women here.

Check back next week to see what our next giveaway will be!

New Year Giveaway #1

Happy New Year from The Christopher Ferebee Agency!

We'd like to celebrate by giving away a few of our clients' resources.

Looking for a devotional to start the year off right? Our first giveaway is Savor by Shauna Niequist, who reminds us the importance of enjoying every day.

To enter, fill out this Contest Form and we will randomly draw a name and contact the winner via email.

You can read more about Shauna and Savor here.

And make sure to check back to see what our next giveaway will be.

Cheers!

How to Register for Writer's Boot Camp

No matter where you are in the writing journey, you can always improve. If you take your craft seriously, you are striving to get better. And for today's writers, it isn't enough just to be serious about writing, you need to be serious about marketing and platform development as well. If you're just starting out, you can often feel overwhelmed with where to even begin.

Over the past few years, Jonathan Merritt and Margaret Feinberg have developed an exclusive, boutique event called Writer's Boot Camp. I’ve been a part of it since its inception and it’s the best writing training I’ve seen. Over the course of three intensive days, they provide training to help you:

• Identify your audience
• Develop a pitch-perfect voice
• Hone your writing skills
• Interact with an agent and publisher
• Increase your effectiveness on social media
• Become a power blogger

What makes Writers Boot Camp different from other writing conferences?

Jonathan and Margaret have invested more than 1,000 hours formulating a unique audience-centric, content-driven approach to writing that is simply superior to what other writing coaches offer.

• No green room: All presenters are accessible to participants throughout the event.
• Limited participants: Attendance is capped  at double digits. The smaller size allows more interaction and personal coaching.
• Pre-event assignments: You will come prepared to hit the ground running and take your writing and social media to the next level.
• Early morning homework review: During the 8-9 am coffee hour, the entire team makes themselves available to review your boot camp assignments and provide feedback on your projects, proposals, and goals.
• Intentional networking opportunities: Time is set aside to interact and share your stories and writing with other boot camp cadets. You’ll be amazed at who registers for this event.

Writers Boot Camp sells out quick. But as a special, limited time offer, they’re offering you a free dinner and bonus session ($59 value) when you sign up in the next 72 hours. Visit www.writersbootcamp.org and grab your spot today.

Everything Is Spiritual Tour

New York Times bestselling author Rob Bell is a master at making connections that most of us miss. And his latest tour is more of the same.

I had the privilege this week of being part of a small audience seeing the latest iteration of his Everything Is Spiritual tour for the first time. Launching June 24-25 at The Regent Theater in Los Angeles, Everything Is Spiritual is a joyful exploration of our ever expanding universe and what it means for how we live and interact in the world. Over the course of 90 minutes, Rob will make surprising connections between the universe you’re living in and the life you’re living, showing you how science and spirituality are long lost dance partners. Wherever you’re coming from and whatever you’re wrestling with, let the Everything Is Spiritual tour experience inspire, provoke, challenge, and give you hope as together you explore and enjoy this beautiful, mysterious, and endlessly fascinating world.

The first leg of the tour will cover 32 cities from June 24-August 10. You can find all of the tour dates here. And if you're interested in reading up prior to the event, you can find his books available for sale at Amazon, Barnes & Noble, or anywhere books are sold.